Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
