He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
