Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
