you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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