just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
