when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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