I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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