I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
