Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
