Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
