To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
