I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
