i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
