I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
