No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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