Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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