I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
