Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
