At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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