every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
