It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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