She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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