Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
