I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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