he was CRYING into my vagina
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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