im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
