Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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