I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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