Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
