I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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