Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
