I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
