Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
