I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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