btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
