I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
