He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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