Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
