You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
