I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
