it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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