so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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