just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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