She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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