you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
