I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
