if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
