OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
