did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
