you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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