please come you make the beer taste better
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
