Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize