May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
