I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
