the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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