is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
