You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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