No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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