do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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