Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
