farters have to be the big spoon...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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