I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
