We're facebook friends in real life
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I intend to get homeless drunk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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