We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
