wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
