Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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