I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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