If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
