So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
