i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
