Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
